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30 August 2010

The expected became an unexpected,



Every week's ranting.

Sometimes things just don't go the way you want, and you'll feel damn piss off by it. Something happening happen to me today. Early in the morning when i woke up, i realize, i overslept to attend Simon's court. Yes it's a again, and it's the second time. 20 over missed call from Zhengwei, Marilyn and Lenz. I'm sleeping like a pig. Gosh, I'm so sorry Simon :(

And another thing is, when i woke up i received a message from my classmate saying, school is officially open on thursday. I thought that I could go to school so that it won't make me miss him so much, and rot at home. Cause he's on a field camp, and he'll be coming back on Thursday, or Friday. Ohdear, what's wrong with all these, starting of my day?

:( It's gonna be a hard time for me. I wouldn't be receiving his message, and his call. So.. I've become damn lazy to reply people texts, cause i know the next ring it will NEVER gonna be him.

No matter what, I'm still gonna wait for him to get back safe.





I
Miss
You..

28 August 2010

Not cherishing, don't regret



Cherish before everything it's too late, and gone.



Read this,


When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into our bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.– At least, in the eyes of our son— I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

By Stephanie Halmilton

Repost: @Claire issofluffy :)

25 August 2010

I miss you,




NAGGING TIME, ding ding ding.

I realize that holiday to me is a worst thing ever. Even though I can sleep like no people business, but after I wake up I'm like nua-ing (hokkien, rot) at home. Doing nothing, use the computer facebook, twitter, blogger, and flooding my bf's phone. It's really lifeless, can't stand it. I tried to find something meaningful to do, but there's nothing for me to do :<

And saying about my boring day, my bf haven't reply my message!!! :< He's so busying flirting with his bunk mates, go happily dating with them at yishun area. OMG yishun (-_-"""") and ignoring me. Ok, i know it's sounds damn gay but.. I'm just joking. Duh is all about NS stuff lah. NS NS NS NS NS NS. Just imagine if you saw a group of NS boy walking at the mall shopping. Nahs, I'm just trying to be lame! They're damn hardworking NS man ok!

Yea, NS stuff is so damn complicated, till now I'm not yet understand what is what. Keep forgetting stuff, and ask my bf questions like "What's PT?? Er.. what is that again?!" what is this what is that. Oh-no.. Guess he'll get very irritated one day and go like "SHUT UP, STOP ASKING" or maybe he'll write in a piece of paper like RT = remedial training etc and paste it on my head! AHAHA, isn't that cute? I think it's a good idea.

Yes, It's damn late now. But he's not in back in camp now. Ok, I'm going to bed! :) More room stuff to do tomorrow. See you.

24 August 2010

Sometimes it hurts so much, without you here



I'm having two projects on hands deadline is on the first week of September.
Just finish one, and another one ... i need my team to tag along, especially Qianqian!!
Well............................................

I've got so many things i wanna get for myself, but i have to save money for now!!! Have been spending a lot this month! It's damn irritating when you see your bank money is reducing and waving at you telling you

"We're going off for a new owner, byeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
*cash fly away* $.$

I'm so sad lor!
I can't work for now, have to put all my focus in school, as I'm finishing my course soon. Projects and hairshow everything is on their way. But it's ok, my attachment is coming too, though it's not fun at all. Attachment is really sucks. Cause you can't fired your boss, you can only get fired, can not always "keng" mc :(

Forget it, for the sake of everything I've got to face it with ... courage? HAAHAHAHA.
I know i sounds like I machiam going war. ok, I'm just pouring some boredom here.
Stay tune people ah people! :)



Ps, I've changed my blogskin!!

23 August 2010

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUNNEY CHENG



Happy 20th birthday Fatfat!
I miss you :(



It's my bf's big day! :D
We celebrate it in advance cause he have to book in on the Sunday. Which means the day before his birthday. It's quite sad, but lucky he have a group of cool guys attack him with a surprise on the happening Saturday!

Okay, everything happen on that day was really a "surprise" for me. Somehow, messed up things that were plan earlier. I went up to his house, with the birthday present i bought (wallet), and when he open the door for me, i saw him sitting at the dinning table transferring all his cards, cash to a new wallet his mum bought for him. I was like "OHMYGOD" I don't know why, that's the first word come to my mind when i saw that. HA, but it's okay. At least he like it :)

And next his sister, Wenya told me "We're celebrating my brother's birthday today (with a smile)" and my heart was like "Ohmygod ohmygod!!!" And I look at her with my eyes open big, i quickly message his buddy that, things might not go so smoothly as we plan. So.. they somehow changed plan.

&Suppose we should leave his house at 3, so we can go walk around and come back to tampines and start the surprise his buddies plan. BUT, this guy just relaxxxxxxxxxxx, and take his time to prepare. And we reach Marina Square around 4 going 5.
















&he suggest to bring me to Andersen's ice-cream, for a Couple Fondue. Ok let me stop his birthday surprise plan, the Fondue was nice! I like the chocolate, and the ice-cream, especially the chocolate ice-cream. And the marshmallows mix with chocolate with nut was nice too!! The whole Fondue, can delight your day!! :D

Ok.. back to the plan..

Finish everything and he suggest to walk over to esplanade, forgot for what reason. AND WE'RE SUPPOSE TO LEAVE AT 6O'Clock. But this guy take his time, and sit down at the esplanade and listen to the baybeats going on there, and slowly choosing his clothes. And know what? we leave that place around 7.30pm, when his buddies told me, "we meet at Fish &co at 6.30pm SHARP." Yup, everything got messed up by this birthday boy again!





(His buddies. Not all)

Around 8.30 we reach tampines, i told him i wanna get something at tampines mall basement, and he couldn't find a parking lot. &Next he told me "Can i wait for you at the car, and you go get what you need?" I feel like punching him, ssrly. HAHAHA, and i actually laugh at him, cause he's so ..... "Qian Da". Then finally, we found a parking lot, and he accompany me.

While we are walking towards fish&co, he asked me, "what is the thing you wanna get? Can get it tomorrow?" *punch 2 times* And yup, I'm suppose to act like it's a coincidence to saw the guys in fish&co. So yup, they manage to pull him in to the fish&co and sit down, as we're suppose to rush back to his house for dinner, which is starting at.. 7. Yup super late again.. He keep telling them, "I have to go, i have to go.."

&Eugene keep trying to find topic to make him stay and waiting for the waitress there to start the surprise. Indeed, they are good actor. This silly guy didn't even smell there's something going weird. And yes, the waitress came towards him, asking him to go to the front and stand on the chair in the middle of the fish&co. HAHA, finally got him!! Troublesome birthday boy! :x





He's reading what Eugene and I were texting each other about this surprise!



Reading his birthday card!! :D LOOK AT THAT SMILE!!

And yes, sing birthday song, wish and blow the candles light. Well, and he finally stop asking me "can't we go buy your stuff tomorrow?" LOLOL. Cut his cake, open his present, read his card and his smileeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! :)







&back home, we had dinner, and cut his cake. A very very very coincidence thing was, his friends and his mum both bought the same cake! Just different sizes. This wasn't the plan, just very coincidence. So it's counted as, a birthday surprise too!





His cute and sweet siblings bought him this very cool thing. I don't know what is it called. But it's a horse that "wrap" with cement so they have this wooden stick to scrap the cement off and you'll see the thing that is inside the cement, and it's a horse. Cause he's zodiac is a horse!
But the horse look more like a donkey, cause the tail... is abit short! HAHA.

WOW, my post is so wordy worm. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
but hope he enjoy himself. I guess he did, cause from that cheeky smile, i can see that :) This is my first time, in a day i saw him smiling non-stop. Those smiles were awesome. Maybe seeing once in a while he smile like this, find it very precious? HA.

Last but not least..



Happy birthday mai dear!
Though this year can't celebrate it on your actual day which is TODAY..
but.. yes i hope you enjoy &&STOP BEING SO DRAWING CIRCLES AND EMO.
Loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeya "

PS, Thanks people for reading !! I spend almost two hours posting this whole thing! :(
So, award me by clicking at my Nuffnang advertisement okayyyy ? :D LURB YAR!

PS, guess he's the most happiest guy on earth that day :D

21 August 2010

People,



Yesterday I went over to Orchard Delfi, School Of Make Up.
&i happen join their lesson, and i found something interesting!

You know having a really fun class, you need a funny teacher right? Their teacher is a guy, and he is damn hilarious! The way he talk, the way he express the whole lesson is really funny! Even for a person like me, not there to attend lesson will quietly stand there and listen to what he's trying to teach &surprisingly, understand what he say! So i did learn some skills there.
Heehee.

The few hours there is really fun!
(Y)


19 August 2010

他和她的故事



她说她很爱他
她说会守护他
她送他玫瑰花
一切美得不像话
从朋友变成情人
他不再只有自己
她爱他爱得彻底
真心溢满了甜蜜
时间看清一个人
开始令人昏沉沉
她像变了一个人 太蛮横
他开始悬着疑问
不想再等她承认
不再要任何伤痕
(谁爱谁) 谁又流干了眼泪
(谁后悔) 难分难舍太伤悲
(他爱谁) 谁应该止住眼泪
(她心碎) 谁又该干脆离开
(谁爱谁) 谁又能反反复复
(谁后悔) 谁在忍受着孤独
(谁了解) 她退出 他孤独
(谁了解) 谁退出 谁孤独
爱得太盲目
谁不满足

...

I know you love her, i know you miss her.
I know the pain you're suffering right now
But sometimes, things got to go have to go.
She made a choice, a choice to leave,
See no point to hold back, no more reason for you to carry on,
but move on..
Wish you will get back to normal again.
Hope the next girl, who appreciate you, who love you more will appear soon.

18 August 2010

Still ZHY, Still me


Sorry people for troubling you people again, Relinking me.

The reason why i change my blog link is because, of my own name.
Nothing wrong with my name, but my surname. There's quite a number of things happen 2years ago, and a few weeks ago. Well, for your info 9Letters it stands for my name, Chen Hui Yu, in total of 9 letters. Yup, if you guys notice i changed my surname, to Tok, Zhuo (in chinese).

I didn't make any changes in my birth cert, or ic, maybe in the future? Though chen is a nice surname, and suits my name well. But ... who cares, no one worth me to have that surname. & the reason why i change to StillZHY, is because I'm Still Zhuo Hui Yu. Though my surname is change :) This is how i explain my life, my space i guess?

So people, stop calling me YUER CHEN!!
Maybe you can change to Yuer tok? Sounds weird.
Forget it, Huiyu will do :0

**

How's my new new blogskin look like? Nice? HAHA. I start editing, shifting here and there, clicking, highlight copy and paste, google, everything since 10 till now. Look at the clock it's going 2Am. Don't know why i ain't sleepy at all.

WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL...

I'm going to bed right now. Bf didn't call me today :(
Never hear his voice for like the whole today!
Hope he's fine, and get well soon baby!

Blog tomorrow, Ciaozxz

16 August 2010

let things go by its nature?



I smile doesn't mean i'm alright.

Somethings have been bothering me since .. quite a long time. But thanks to Jacky Cheng, i let out everything and choose what is the right way.
It might be good, it might be bad. But at least for now, it's the best way for us. We both know, pulling through what we always tried to save isn't that easy at all. Sometimes, it's really tiring enough, i know i know. So why not, giving each other a break, to let everything run through once again. Like people say, "let things go by its nature?" :)

Yes after that Saturday night. After all the crying, I'm perfectly fine now. I'm back to a cheerful girl, who can play game well! That game i played with Bf and his buddies that night, was really nice! I didn't know that actually my eyes is quite slow, and stupid. Like i can't wink with a eyes. Like left eye wink, right eye will follow and close! HAHA. Well it's really a great night after all, it's the most awesome chalet among all i went before. (Y)

Well..................................................

Remember to click at my advertisement,
is just right at the bottom of my post! :)
Fast fast it's just abit more I'll receive the money! :)
You guys are kind souls right?!

KNEW IT! ♥

11 August 2010

In a r/s, commitment is a must.
Truthful, faithful is a must.





Saw this @ Alice's blog! It's damn true so decided to Re-blog it! There's a Retweet in twitter, so there's also a re-blog for blogging :D My own logic i guess? Well!

Goodnight everyone!
xox,

10 August 2010

Cause I know all I need is
on the other side of the door.



After today, after tomorrow, after a few days, a few years later..
Get a life people


5 August 2010

What a august,

I thought it's like 1 weeks i haven't been blogging, but... IT'S ONLY 4 DAYS? HA, it's a long 4 days to me i guess?



Well, recently I'm damn stress up because of my projects, not a single day the thing stop appearing in my brain. I don't know how many brain cells of mine got killed because of this stupid project! I'm serious! Know whenever open my eyes in the big early morning I will start planning, What should i do today, what should i do tomorrow, did I manage my time well a not, will my models put my airplane, is the deadline coming, can i hand up by time a not, will this happen that happen! Wtf, i seriously stressed up

:(

On the other hand, I'm graduating soon. Still not sure about what should i do after i graduate from school. Continue my studies, or should i start working? But at times, i keep asking myself, am i really able work in this industry a not? As i mention before, being a hairstylist is not as easy as you think. A lot of my friends, have been telling me that. And frankly, what they told me, i seriously think I'm not suitable at all. I mean, the way i do things, is not really belongs to there. But i don't wanna waste what I've learned this two years. And if i don't continue this industry what should i do? I don't know my strength and my weakness. It's very long ago since i touch computer stuff, i might not remember if i gonna go back to computer. And.. everything gonna start from zero. Sometimes, life is so fiak-up. Can't rely on others to think for me, all i can do is, do things myself, walk myself, decide myself.

I still got a lot more things to learn in this industry, a lot more to face and go through. Should i continue running on the track or give up and find other track to run? I'm tired of thinking. Someone save me :(






I've got a lot of future path i want to go, but it's too unrealistic? I mean i can't really be one. My mom always say that, my mind is always changing. I won't stick to one. But what to do, the environment makes my thinking change. I wish i can continue this, but yet I scare I might give up half way through.

Plus, i'm having a big family problem now.
I'm not sure how can i help, but ... but i will just do what i can i guess?







*BIG SIGH*






Nothing goes well since the start of august. Sigh sigh sigh.
I'm not very happy now.

Imma sad girl

:(

1 August 2010

31st July, 1st Aug

Meet my bf with his family went to Sushi tei for lunch.

Simple and nice!









All time Favourite! ♥


Night time, meet bf's buddies for movie



Tekken, Don't know how to rate this but.. It's quite a bloody movie.
Ouch here and there, that's all i remember about this movie. HA.

Supper at bugis, don't know where's that place actually.
But yup, enjoy another night with bf and his buddies!
:> Talking about their friends, about their life in ITE, quite cool actually!





***



They look alike don't they?
:D




Goodbye my army boy :<
See you in 5days.



I'm so into pink color nowww!