2011, 2012

Belated, WELCOME 2012.



I know I'm super late. But well, I'm still gonna post this cause i always wanted to. To remind myself, how awesome my 2011 was.

Although 2011, i stopped my studies after my graduated from HFD, but it's still an awesome year. I started working part time, full time and through out this one year, I changed job/work place for thrice. I met a number of people, they enter my life and create chapters in my life. And also, i did lose a number of my good friends.

I could only say, my life did change alot throughout this one year, like growing up, facing problems myself, (at times, hahahahahahahha) And I start to be LESS affected by people's words and action, though i still got affected at times. By well.. I believe that every level in our life, there will surely be something you have to deal with it, harder and harder every year. Like now? I've dealing with the reality society, 360 degrees changes, and wearing mask. It's everything everyone have to go through i guess..

Thank-you 2011.. I really enjoy my ride with you :)
2012, hope you'll do it better!


* * *

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR..
:)

Personal thoughts.

its a thousand billion unwilling to login to blogger and post something i felt. Words could describe me better then speaking though.

Well.. I felt lonely. I felt like I'm not love and shower with care (not relationship) I felt like the world just turn against me out of the sudden. Though this is how life gonna be, like a bitch. But i really can't take it. No even my f_____ is supporting me, they doubt me, turn me down, and blame me, even saying the word that hurt me most. "You changed". How hurting is this, god? I'm just going through what I must go through, and everyone start pointing fingers behind me, saying i change.. My friends, my f_____.. who else?

Sometimes just sometimes, i feel like giving up every single thing and just die. Who the fucking hell know, i'm fucking tired of all these shits? Who the hell understand a single thing i'm going through? Who will ever understand me? And sometimes i just think, Why can i be myself? Why can't people just accept WHO I REALLY AM? Why not even my f_____ can accept who i really am..

Come to think of it, leading this life of mine, is really tiring.. I hope i could end all this, just end it.. I hope all the people i really care knows, their actions are hurting me, their words are killing me, and my heart is hurting real badly..

All i could say is... Yes, because of one relationship, i lose my friends (i guess) Yes, people think i'm a life time bitch. I need not further explain much about that. And yes, since that day, till today I'm standing alone facing this shits. I have no one to talk to, no one supporting my decision, fucking no one. I just tell myself "Yes, now you see the bigger picture of everyone" But... to be frank, it hurts badly, my friends, my f____.

That feeling is like you trap everything inside your body, those thoughts those feelings, those heart breaking, all kept inside you. And no one is there for you, no one is there to even SUPPORT you. How hopeless isit? How does it feels like? Just tell me, what would you even do?

My f____, my friends, i really miss how you supported me no matter my choices are wrong. I really miss how you held me up when i fall badly, I really miss the hug you gave me, and trusting me..

Thanks for letting me having them once. It's time to go, I'll go..

**

Work is getting much more tiring then before, just some politics to deal every single day. It's hard but i believe everything will end soon. I really hate it when you're working at such a nice place, with awesome people but POLITICS enter.. Everyone against me and him. Ohwell, so who know i didn't enjoy during my working hours? Who even know i'm dealing shits every single day?

P/S: Sometimes I hope, you can flip my daily life, like a book.. So you know that, who tiring I'm living every single day, how much i need you, how much i love you, how much i respect you, how much i misses home everyday and how much it hurts when you start to doubt me, shouting at me, or even hurting yourself.. my dearest mother, my dearest daddy. & Just because of my mistake, my not thoughtful enough, leading to your ignorance.. It hurts, it hurts badly to know that, I'm thrown alone now.

P/s: Just wish that you completely know what's wrong with my life.